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Saturday, August 19, 2017
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Parents Toolshop

Archive for the ‘ Parent Problem Toolbox ’ Category

CHILD ABUSE, PUNISHMENT OR DISCIPLINE: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

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Real News Headlines: Colorado boy, 3, dies after being left home alone — mom charged with child abuse. Orlando, Florida: Deputies: Child tied to door, left alone in home with sibling. Former police officer charged with child abuse for force-feeding his 15-year-old daughter hot sauce. Tennessee couple charged with murder and child abuse for allegedly forcing their 5-year-old daughter to chug more than two liters of water and grape soda. Dayton, Ohio, 2013: Father Who Beat His Girls For Allegedly Twerking & Sneaking Out The House Indicted On Corporal Punishment Charges. 2014: New Kansas... (Read More ...)

Effective Communication Skills: How Can I Use Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Skills To Talk So Children Listen?

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Effective Communication Skills:  How Can I Use Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Skills To Talk So Children Listen?   Jennifer has 3 children ages 8, 12, and 16. She struggles getting any of them to listen and cooperate. Any time she tries to have a conversation with one of them about what needs done, they mumble or give her some teen code she has to look up, like “IKR Mom!  D” (Translation: “I Know, Right.”)  Later, when they don’t do what she asked, she wonders whether they didn’t understand what she meant or she didn’t understand their coded language! At times,  she... (Read More ...)

How Do You Teach Effective Communication Skills To Your Children?

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“How was your day?” Rebecca asked her twelve-year-old when he came home from school. “Ok,” he responds. “Did you learn anything new today?” she asks. “Nope,” her son plainly says while staring out the window. “Well, what did you do today?” she asks. “Nothing,” her son responds in a tone of voice that was clearly saying, “I’ll be thirteen next month, mom, please stop trying to talk to me, gosh!”Rebecca picked up on this tone of voice and stopped the conversation there. Do you find it difficult to communicate with your own children? Does it seem hard to connect with... (Read More ...)

Why Children Misbehave… and What You Can Do to Prevent and Stop It

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When children misbehave, our gut reaction is to do whatever we can to stop it and stop it fast! There are three big problems with this approach: Misbehavior is only a symptom of a deeper core issue that the child is expressing in a negative way. If you only try to stop the misbehavior but don’t identify or resolve the core issue, that misbehavior will continue or another one will crop up, until the core issue is resolved. Reactions will always either escalate the situation or give an accidental payoff which will cause the misbehavior to continue. (I rarely say “always” or “never” but... (Read More ...)

Can Anger Management Techniques Help Stop Aggressive Behavior In Children?

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 Your child is playing soccer with some friends and all of a sudden you see him shove one of the other children to the ground and kick him. You have taught him anger management techniques and you have seen him control his anger in the past so this takes you by surprise. You run over to break up the commotion. You say to your son, “That was really inappropriate.  You know better than that.  What’s gotten into you?” Your son’s response is, “Well, he deserved it.  He started the whole thing.  He hit me first!” You are taken aback and say, “No one deserves to be hurt.  You need... (Read More ...)

PUNISHING VS. DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

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Disciplining children is different from punishing them because it teaches children to learn from their mistakes rather than making them suffer for them. In fact, imposing suffering actually shifts the focus from the lesson that needs to be learned to who is in control. As a result, punishment focuses on the parent being responsible for controlling a child’s behavior, rather than the child controlling his/her own behavior, which is the focus of discipline. In Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen offers guidelines for using consequences, which she calls the Four R’s of consequences. These... (Read More ...)

Is Time Out An Effective Child Discipline Tool For Handling Misbehavior?

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IS TIME OUT AN EFFECTIVE CHILD DISCIPLINE TOOL FOR HANDLING MISBEHAVIOR? Alice is four years old.  When her two-year-old brother won’t share a toy she wants, she pulls his hair.  Alice is sent to time out.  She starts having a tantrum and says, “I wanted that toy and he wouldn’t give it to me.”  The parent says, “Well, pulling hair is not how to ask for a toy you want.  Go to the corner for time out and think about how mean you were.” What will happen next?  Will Alice calm down or get more upset?  Will she sit in the corner and think about how it wasn’t nice to pull her brother’s... (Read More ...)

GETTING BACK TALK? LET’S TALK! How to Handle Disrespectful Children

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GETTING BACK TALK? LET’S TALK! How to Handle Disrespectful Children Alicia posted this request in her moms’ group discussion forum: “My 8 year old is starting to talk back frequently and is very disrespectful. I am trying to figure out what would be a consequence for back talk, but I can’t think of anything! (Besides a time-out or send to his room.)”   Half a dozen moms chimed in, “I know, my child does that, too, and it drives me crazy!” Some of the parents have toddlers, some have school-aged children, and some have teens. They asked how to discipline it, prevent it, and... (Read More ...)