“I want more juice!” demands Eric, Ashley’s four-year-old son, from the dinner table. Ashley politely replies, “Please don’t talk to me like that. Say ‘please.’” Then Eric starts to whine, “But Mom, I’m thirsty! I want more juice!” Ashley tries to be patient and says, “Honey, I know, just say ‘please.’” Now Eric’s whining becomes an ear-piercing scream. He throws his fork, shoves the table and stomp his feet. Frightened by Eric’s outburst, Ashley quickly gets him a glass of juice and says “Okay, okay. Calm down. Next time please ask nicely.” This incident... (Read More ...)
Archive for the ‘ Prevention Toolbox ’ Category
Karen is so annoyed. Her 2-year old daughter, Tina, is constantly telling her “no!” or becomes defiant and refuses to cooperate with even small requests she typically went along with just last month. Karen’s friend tells her, “Oh, this is normal for 2-year olds. She’s just going through that terrible twos defiance stage.” Even though her friend tells her it is normal, Karen wishes there was a way to nip this stage in her daughter’s life. She wants to enjoy her daughter’s cuteness, but is anxious wondering when the next toddler tantrum will arise. If you are like most... (Read More ...)
“I made more goals during my game than you did in yours,” Bill remarks to his brother, Tom. “Well, I kick the ball better and overall I’m a better soccer player than you,” Tom states defensively. “No way, everyone knows I’m the better soccer player” replies Bill “Who are you fooling? You know I’m the best!” Tom argues. Sandy, their mom, is tired of hearing all this talk about who is better than who and then it ending in a big argument. She wants her sons to be proud about the effort and hard work they put into practicing and playing on their soccer teams, but their competition... (Read More ...)
Why Kids Do What You Tell Them Not to Do? How to Prevent Defiant Children, Power Struggles and Tantrums
The “Before” Story always sounds like this: My kids have been doing [you name it] for years. I constantly tell them “don’t,” “stop” or “quit doing that”. I’ve told them a million times and they still do it! I don’t know if they are defiant children, but I’m tired of the power struggles and handling tantrums. The “After” Story always sounds like this: I used this tool one time and they did what I wanted them to do, the first time I asked, and I never had that problem again. Now I use it all the time and it works every time the first time! When you see your children... (Read More ...)
THE IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATING TODAY’S PARENTS Although most parents would agree that their children are more important than their job, most usually get more on-the-job training than they do as a parent. As a Mother of seven once said, “The love is instinctual but the skills are not.” A NATIONAL MOVEMENT A 1990 study by fifteen of the nation’s largest youth organizations found that the United States has done poorly in solving the problems affecting today’s youth. There was broad agreement that the number-one solution to these problems was . . . better parents.... (Read More ...)
First, you open a parenting magazine with an article on why “self-esteem” is important. Then you read a newspaper column that says, “Self-esteem is a crock.” Then you read two articles on the web; one says to praise your children and one says not to. Doesn’t it irk you when so-called experts give you inaccurate or conflicting parenting advice? That’s because there are many myths about self-esteem that parents, professionals and even researchers believe. For example, there have been numerous research studies on the importance and impact of building self-esteem in children. A December... (Read More ...)
Julie’s son is always throwing tantrums or running off when she grocery shops. She wants him to behave and stay with her. To entice him to do this, she tells him, “If you stay with me and we can get through the store without you throwing a fit, you can pick out a candy bar at the checkout.” All through the store, Julie reminds him, “Remember, if you are a good boy you’ll get to pick out a candy bar.” Why Do Parents Use Bribes and Rewards For Children? You’ve probably been tempted, like most parents, to reward your children’s good behavior or use bribes to entice your... (Read More ...)
It’s time for your children to get ready for bed. You say, “Time to go brush your teeth.” One whines, “But I don’t want to brush my teeth.” The other says, “I want to keep playing.” Your spouse steps in and says, “You both need to get in the bathroom and start brushing those teeth.” The children just complain and whine louder. You threaten, “If you don’t brush your teeth now, there will be no story time.” This just escalates the situation and now the complaining has turned into temper tantrums. You probably know the basic “5 B’s” of bedtime routines:... (Read More ...)
Is Giving An Allowance For Helping With The Household Chore List A Good Way To Teach Children And Teenagers Money Management?
Is Giving An Allowance For Helping With The Household Chore List A Good Way To Teach Children And Teenagers Money Management? You have been giving your children money for doing chores. You have company coming over and need to get the house straightened up quickly. You ask the children to help pick up the living room while you clean the bathroom. The first response you hear is, “Well, how much will you pay?” Your other child chimes in, “Yeah, that’s not included in what we do for our allowance!” You become frustrated and annoyed because you are in no mood to negotiate right now. You... (Read More ...)
USING BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION TECHNIQUES: Behavior Charts, Incentives, Stickers, Tokens. Should I Use Them? If So, How?
USING BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION TECHNIQUES Behavior Charts, Incentives, Stickers, and Tokens. Should I Use Them? If So, How? Many professionals who dispense parenting advice tell parents to use rewards or create “behavior modification” token systems to teach children a skill, to get children to take on a responsibility, or to curb an unwanted behavior or habit. Often, however, using rewards for children’s good behavior with behavior charts has the same effect as bribery. Long-term studies of work incentives, behavior management programs for children, weight loss and stop smoking... (Read More ...)